


the love you deserve

by RoxieOfficial



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Sex, Insecure Bucky Barnes, Light Angst, M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:08:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21912694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoxieOfficial/pseuds/RoxieOfficial
Summary: Bucky won't let Steve see him naked.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 1
Kudos: 76





	the love you deserve

Bucky won't let Steve see him naked.

Whenever they make love, he'd ask Steve to turn off the lights, saying he felt more comfortable in the darkness. Truth is, he didn't want Steve to see his body. His disgustingly atrocious body. He especially wanted to hide his metal arm. He knew Steve hated it. It must remind him of everything awful Bucky had done in his life.

And poor Bucky didn't want to see Steve's beautiful, perfect body. It only reminded him of how far from it he was. How he'd never be like him. How his own body was full of scars and flaws.

“Eh, Babe... I wanna see you, just this once,” Steve whispered as he gently kissed him. He roamed his hands under Bucky's shirt, caressing his skin.

Bucky shivered under his boyfriend's touch. He couldn't believe how lucky he was that Steve loved him. Despite everything. Deep down, Bucky knew Steve was only pretending. Why? He couldn't say, but it was impossible that Steve truly was in love with him. So much blood was on his hands. He had caused so much pain.

“Stevie, no. I-I'm sorry. I just— I don't feel comfortable.”

“It's okay, Babe, I won't force you into doing something you don't want to. I love you,” he kissed him again.

When they pulled away, both men decided to take off their shirt. Steve gently pushed Bucky on the bed, so he was lying on it, Steve on top of him. With one hand, Steve undid his boyfriend's belt and unzipped his pants. He could feel the bulge in them. He smirked at Bucky's, um, _excitement_.

Steve loved to trail kisses down his chest and he would sometimes press a few to his left arm, knowing it was sensitive, too. But tonight, things went slightly differently. He decided kissing his right arm as well. Things were about to turn to shit, and Bucky knew it.

Bucky wanted to push him away, he knew Steve was about to find out his darkest secret. But he didn't. Instead, he closed his eyes tightly, hoping for the best.

“Buck! What is this?” Steve asked as he sat up. He leaned to turn on the nightstand's lamp. He stared at Bucky's scarred forearm, visibly shocked. “Did you— Did you do this to yourself?”

Bucky's eyes were still closed, not wanting to confront Steve's judging ones.

“Bucky, look at me, please,” he said oh-so-softly that Bucky wanted to melt under him.

“Idontwanttoseeyouhatingme,” he confessed, sounding on the verge of tears. Which was the case. He wanted the ground to swallow him. His heart beat painfully at the thought of losing Steve forever.

“Eh, look at me. Can you open your pretty blue eyes for me, Babe?”

When he eventually opened them, Steve could see them glisten with unshed tears. His lower lip quivered slightly.

“Babe... Why do you put yourself through such pain?”

“Because I deserve it. That's all I deserve.”

“Don't say that, Buck. You deserve happiness. You deserve to be taken care of. You deserve to feel good about yourself. There are so many things that you deserve, but pain isn't and will never be one of them.”

“Why do you love me?” he said, barely above a whisper.

If getting one's heart broken could make a sound, Steve's would have made one of the loudest cracks. Bucky was so insecure about himself that he questioned Steve's feelings towards him. Steve just wanted to hug him forever and never let him go.

“I love you for so many reasons, Babe.” He put a hand on Bucky's cheek and gently caressed it with his thumb. “Not many people know you're a science nerd, but I get to see this side of you and I'm so incredibly lucky to have you in my life. I love you because, when I'm with you, I can say anything and I know you'll never judge me. I can confide in you and never will you mock me or tease me about my fears. I love you because I know I can count on you like you can count on me. I love you because you make me a better person every single day. Do you want me to continue?”

If Bucky wasn't crying before, he was crying now. How could Steve be so perfect? What had Bucky done to deserve such an amazing boyfriend?

Steve carefully wiped Bucky's tears with his thumb.

“I love you so much, Stevie,” he whispered.

“I love you, too.” He leaned over Bucky and pressed his lips to his. “Please, tell me you won't hurt yourself anymore. Or at least, whenever you feel the urge to hurt yourself, come talk to me. I don't care what time it is. Your mental health will always come first. Even if it's four a.m. and I haven't slept for three days. I'll always be there for you. Yeah?”

“What did I ever do to deserve you? You're a blessing, Stevie.”

“You're not so bad yourself, Buck,” he grinned.

**_The End_ **

**Author's Note:**

> I actually intended for this to be way more angsty, but hey! ¯\\(ツ)/¯ c'est la vie.


End file.
